Meatheads Play Report 4

   Meatheads Play Report 4, DM notes at bottom.

– Meatheads is a hack of OD&D; a fighter only playstyle with additional XP gained through feats of strength. –

A week passed in the mournful town of Killnerd. A penance was given to Querma; at the behest of Sheriff Hate and Ardmoc Underbust, execution was stayed and instead she was to carry out the duty of finding Rodd Pearose, who ran off deeper into the dungeon, his whereabouts unknown. 

Across her broad chest were wrapped the chains of shame, cast iron links weaved and locked about her frame like a rattling shawl. With her life spared, and new duties expected of her, Querma sought out new companions. Within the week of her imprisonment, another sailing vessel arrived to dispatch goods and sailors. 

Nine people were found by Querma; a fellow Meathead, Humphrey, two mercenaries and six sailors. After negotiating a loan of armaments from Ardmoc Underbust, the party began their noontime hike up the stony slopes to the dungeon.

Into the entrance they climbed, and torches alit they crept west. They came to a chamber where a boulder, having dislodged itself from the ceiling some untold time ago, came crashing down and cracking the stone floor. It sat there still, a hole left in the ceiling from where it fell, large enough to squeeze two people inside. A passage south led to the grand chamber yet unexplored, and a passage north was doorless veering further west.

Querma demanded every new hireling try to move the boulder from where it sat, yet each one failed. Taking matters into their own hands, Querma and Humphrey easily shoved the boulder to block the northern passage, so as to not be caught surprised from this passage. Underneath the boulder lay a long dead, squish flat goblin clutching a pouch of 30 gp and a .25 carat emerald. If more of these emeralds can be found deeper in the dungeon, then Ardmoc’s suspicions of an emerald deposit below could hold true.

Planning their next course of action, the dungeoneering group decided to finally explore the giant chamber to their south. Stepping through the western most of the three stone archways stretched along the hall, the party stood atop a raised balcony, 10 feet above a vast chamber of arching stones. At the center of this chamber a well plummets deeper into the earth, its 2 foot high lip carved with seashells and wave motifs.

The mural painted all across the ceiling depicts the sun rising in the east with birth, rising over the ceiling at the zenith the sun smiles gazing down into a great well, and sunsetting in the west along the sea, into darkness and death.

Yet surrounding the well, covering the majority of the floor and especially around the well, were countless pieces of shattered glass, metal bits, and dented, rusted armor. Sixty feet away, on the opposite side of the chamber at the center of the southern wall was a single door.

Querma and Humphrey proceed to plan their advance, deeply curious about the other side of the door as well as the well leading downwards. So they organized two teams of two hirelings (one torch bearer, one one spearmen) to approach the southern corners of the room from opposite ends while the rest of the party gathered at the northern side of the well. This way the party is able to create a triangle of torchlight to illuminate the chamber for further investigation. 

Securing their position forward, Querma gestured for the two teams, as well as 2 further hirelings positioned north, to begin to approach the well. The hirelings drew closer to the well, unavoidably crushing glass underfoot, their torch light barely piercing the inky blackness contained within. A hireling jabbed into the dwell, their spear scrapping only stone. Again they jabbed and jabbed until it became stuck, unable to pry it away from whatever it caught.

The spear slowly lifted from the hirelings hands. Arising from the well a dark, ganglion shape unfolded itself, like a flower blooming in the darkness. The spear snapped, the hireling's head clutched and squeezed. A giant’s hand releases their body, fingers hunting like snakes while reaching out from underneath the well. 

The hirelings fought without fear, hacking and stabbing at the giant’s hand, pelting it with crossbow quarrels and spears. Yet with each wound it would return its ire, crushing, smothering and squashing hirelings until only 4 remained. Both sides were dealing heavy blows, the party eventually routing the giant’s hand back into the well, where he plugged its opening with a hobbit tomb door.

Querma and company took this moment to retreat back atop the balcony and plan their next actions. While hastily planning, a sound of bells was heard jingling from the eastern hallway. Six giant rats dragged their slimy bellies across the dungeon floor, tin bells ringing as they bruxed their dagger-like teeth. 

The party found themselves between two foes, and pushed to move forward so as not to be trapped. The remaining hirelings and Meatheads began to hack away at the giant rats, but not without loses. The giant rats made quick work of two hirelings, ripping their flesh apart with ease. 

When the tide of battle started to turn to their favor, the lid of the well was slipped off by the giant within, and from it was launched a shower of stones into the corner where the party fought. The stones rained upon the party and the rats alike, cracking skulls like nuts. 

Only one survived. Humphrey, clinging to life, ran back to the dungeon entrance, and made it out. The rest remained in those darkened rooms, and with Querma dead, would anyone remember to look for Rodd Pearose?

~Session End~

~GM notes~

~Meathead Players Halt!~

I decided to fast track the trial of Querma so as to get back to dungeon crawling asap within the game's 1 hour time frame. Normally courtroom dramas are something I would happily play out but I didn't want to give too much time to a single character.

I highly anticipated arrival into the stuck giant room, and had been waiting for them to explore this chamber ever since they first touched down in the dungeon. It’s such a fun scenario, with the glass shattered all around the room it really sets up an ominous tone, had the players freaked out. This room encounter is perhaps the first I came up with while writing this dungeon. 

While the stuck giant made short work of several hirelings, I was surprised the party was able to knock out 4 of its hit dice. Being stuck in the well, I had the giant hitting as an HD 6 creature instead of the standard HD 9 for Stone Giants. This giant has several tricks to employ, one being the stone throwing ability. I had done the stone throwing wrong during play, making it up on the spot by having the party make Saves vs Petrification. With a giant’s stone throwing ability acting as a catapult, I had missed a whole procedure that could have spared the lives of several adventurers. Oh well.

Meatheads Play Report 3

  Meatheads Play Report 3, DM notes at bottom.

– Meatheads is a hack of OD&D; a fighter only playstyle with additional XP gained through feats of strength. –

Damn.

(Joining this session are the Player Characters Maxima, Querma and Mutton, a new player character. Session date: 05/06/23)

Last session we left the meatheads covered in an itching powder after opening a trapped chest. Undeterred, the party crept deeper into the halls eastwards. Passing through an empty room lined with wood steles, the party learned briefly the history of the hobbit migration to the coast from the southern lands centuries ago. The next room they entered was bare save for a desiccated human-sized arm severed at the shoulder that lay inert in the room’s center.

Nasty!

The party decided to not move forward, but to backtrack previous paths. Reoriented, the group ventured further east, coming to a large hall of stone where the likeness of important hobbit folk-heroes had been carved into standing pillars.

A few of note included Dorkus, a brawny hobbit who carried the massive boundary stone 70 meters from the town’s edge, altering the borders of Killnerd. Dyldo was another hobbit, a peat farmer like many of Killnerd’s current denizens, yet he possessed a magic wheelbarrow that could move mounds of peat with ease. Four passages lead out from the hall of heroes; a northeast and southeast passage, the passage to the west they came from, and a passage to the south that descended downwards. The party was sure they found the entrance into the second level with the southern passage, yet turned their attention to crawling further east. Querma heaved the northeastern door off its hinges even before discovering it had been locked. This room would be the tomb of several party members, as from the darkness of a looping hallway, six goblins charged out from the darkness, catching the party by surprise.

The skirmish was quick and brutal. The goblins ganked Maxima, Mutton (a new meathead) , George Puller, Trunko and Spynt. In the confusion, the hobbit hireling Rodd Pearose ran away into the dungeon halls carrying with him one of the party’s lit torches. The other torch lay smoldering on the ground, illuminating the bloody scuffle. Querma slew two goblins before scooping up the unconscious body of Spynt and ran towards the dungeon’s exit. She started to regret heaving every door off its hinges as she could no longer shut any behind her to slow the pursuers. By memory she passed through the dark rooms with the goblins nipping at her heels.   

Tony DiTerlizzi 

With one arm holding Spynt, and despite the itching blisters all over her body, she climbed the rope leading outside. Sparing no moment she ran back to town, bringing Spynt to Danny’s Barrow, where Danny and the Old Man Club watched in horror and confusion as the hobbit youth was laid upon the bar counter. 

Spynt near death, Rodd and Trunko nowhere to be seen, the hobbit adults in the tavern started to take into consideration the gravity of the fact that 3 of the village children had been led astray by brawny strangers.

Tony DiTerlizzi 

To the dwarven brokers Querma went, informing Ardmoc Underbust about the blunder. A knock at the door interrupted their talk, awaiting outside stood a grim, long-faced elf. Sheriff Hate asked for Querma to surrender herself into his custody, and with a pleading look towards Ardmoc, she was encouraged by him to go quietly. Querma went with Sheriff Hate soon to find herself at the mercy of Killnerd, her trial forthcoming.

~Session End~

~GM notes~

~Meathead Players Halt!~

Wowwee! Good to get some deaths in, barging into goblin turf will certainly do that. These goblins had the particular advantage of catching the party by surprise, I’m certain if the roles were reversed the party would have a few more living characters with some juicy XP.

Before this session I revised several rooms and encounters, but of course the players would veer into the direction where I had yet to flesh out. The hall of heroes was severely under prepped in terms of dressing and lore, but should have more to show next time they venture through. It pleased me to hear the players surmise the southern passage leading down was the entrance to level 2. They are mistaken, as that passage is purely a trap.

I was interested to see just how long the hobbit hireling would last, which is to answer not that long. More so, considering the state of the three hobbit teens, this is burgeoning on a village tragedy. It was always my intent to give attention to the social bonds of the village and how they impact on the party’s dungeoneering. From here I am eager to run a village trial, something that is always fun to do. I could introduce new player characters fresh off the boat as impartial judges, or offer the task of finding Rodd as penance. There is still hope for Rodd being alive, and villagers would be key to note this. Safe to say, Querma will be making no friends with the hobbits. To the dwarves however, this could provide an opportunity to further their grip. Ardmoc obviously does not want Querma, a retainer of his, to be executed or exiled. He will throw his weight behind her being tasked with finding Rodd. I can’t help but find this to be an opportunity to introduce another potential retainer, Friar Calhoun, a human cleric stricken with a myasthenia of the body, himself seeking penance from his god, Ur-Nald, deep within the dungeon. Him arriving as a weakly champion to the mighty Querma could create a fun dynamic, her feeling indebted to him. There’s a number of ideas obviously and we won’t know what happens until it is played out next session.

Querma considered running to grab the withered arm in the room encountered earlier before fleeing the dungeon. Least to say, it was fortunate that she did not.

Meatheads Play Report 2

 Meatheads Play Report 2, DM notes at bottom.

– Meatheads is a hack of OD&D; a fighter only playstyle with additional XP gained through feats of strength. –

Upon the stoney Sea Hill Tomb our meatheads stood, a meager pouch of 80 gp newly won from the subterranean rooms underfoot. A salty wind rose from the North Sea and with it was carried a new party member; Querma, broad shouldered and grizzled.

The sun shone through the grey clouded sky, a couple hours past noon, our party descended back down the trail into the village of Killnerd in search of hirelings to recruit. In the town square they spotted a brawny fellow with the gruff chutzpah of a fellow sailor. This human man working amongst the sons of hobbit dockmaster Norwold Seafoot possessed small, beady black eyes with hardly a thought behind them. George Puller, as he introduced himself, told how he got the metal plate embedded in his head after a sailing accident. Knocked overboard by the boom of a ship, after some time he was pulled up, yet remembered little of the accident or his life before. He was told by the crew his name was George, and that he pulled things aboard the ship. 

A quick stop by the dwarven brokers had the party purchasing new equipment while sharing a stiff drink with the affable Ardmoc Underbust, director of the dwarves. Feeling thirsty still and in need of more hirelings, the meatheads trudged to the local tavern, Danny’s Barrow, a wide hobbit structure of stacked slate with a pine green tile and sod roof. Inside it was vacant but hospitable, the meaty scent of peat wafted through the warm room of smooth wooden chairs and tables, stained dark and grooved by the bums of hobbits. Great basses, deep water eels and other sea fish line the walls mounted as trophies. Danny MigGlargon, the tavern’s owner, made no move from his comfy position, airing out his hairy feet atop the bar, smoking and chatting with the three oldest hobbits of the Killnerd. 

The Old Man Club, as they dub themselves, consists of Johno Carrabine, Burtie Blerggins, and Danny’s father, Bort MigGlargon.

A courteous nod was given, Danny directed the tallfolk to a special booth for people of their stature, yet the meatheads sat at the bar, their hulky frames creaking the tiny stools. They chatted until the evening time when the farmers and dockworkers arrive for a drink. Amongst them was Spynt Higgins, son of farmer Dundalk Higgins and strongest hobbit in the village, of whom they’ve made acquaintance with while taking turns lifting the famous pig, Brownie. 

The meatheads made merry among the hobbits, bubbly headed from round after round of bright crisp ale. A good bit of silver was given to Danny who grew fonder of the dungeoneers by the hour. Maxima and Querma spoke to Spynt and his inebriated young friends -Rodd Pearose, Kietho Carabine and Spanko Bolbo- about joining them in their dungeoneering efforts. The lads were promised massive gains and a bit of  gold, they were thoroughly cajoled into hire. 

It was then that a small calloused hand gripped the back of Querma. Dundalk Higgins grimaced up at her and issued a warning that his son is never to approach anywhere near the Sea Hill Tomb, and that only misfortune follows those who delve into its depths. With this one warning he departed, leaving Spynt red-faced with embarrassment. Maxima and Querma were not cowed by Dundalk's warning, they prodded Spynt if he was his own man. Steely eyed and spiteful, Spynt assured he was.

The party agreed to meet the next morning at the stone bridge west of Killnerd. Needing a place to pass the night, Spynt offered a cozy hay bale in the Higgins' pig pen. Stumbling into the stye, they came upon the peacefully sleeping Brownie. Spynt, in all his drunken adoration, babbled how much he loved Brownie and how he would carry him up as a piglet. Spynt attempted to lift Brownie like in the halcyon days, but slipped and fell face first into the muck, immediately passing out. Querma, however, lifted Brownie with ease clear above her head before gently setting down the snoring swine, and saving Spynt from suffocating in the mud, placed him next to Brownie dozing peacefully.

"I get what kind of game this is now." - Jert, player of Querma, after lifting Brownie.

Following morning our meatheads were eager for a breakfast raid! George Puller and Spynt Higgins awaited at the stone bridge dutifully. However, only Rodd and Spanko showed up, miserably hungover. The two remaining hobbit teens were made to wrestle one another by Maxima and Querma. The victor would have the honor of carrying a spear, the loser would carry the 10 foot pole. After a scuffle of crying, panting and barfing, Spanko emerged the greater grappler! 

The full party ascended the paths to the entrance, lit torches and lowered a rope into the dark pit of the earth. Treading familiar paths by torchlight, the party broke their way through the old oak and iron doors they found stuck the day before, pilfering the gold and silver within. In a chamber off the eastern wall of the altar room, the meatheads lifted the lid of a stone chest together only to find a hissing bladder bag inside. Within seconds, the contraption exploded, a fine powder coating the entire room. With his dwarven constitution the powder proved ineffective to Winslow, yet the two human meatheads Maxima and Querma began to break out in painfully itchy blisters and welts all over their arms, chest and face.

~Session End~

~GM notes~

~Meathead Players Halt~

The village of Killnerd was the meat of this session. I was pleased to introduce more villagers and give a peek into their own ethnography. When thinking about the hobbits of Killnerd there are a few main features. They worship no gods but believe in the guiding hand of Luck, of which sometimes you're simply dealt a bad hand. As so, they are superstitious, believing misfortune to be a terrible thing to bring into a household whether its through spirits, curses, boogens or what not. Like most hobbits, they want a pleasant, uninterrupted life.

Now where the dwarves of Drippindahl are concerned, they would most certainly upheave whatever pleasant life the hobbits have here in favor of the riches below. Having befriended Ardmoc and his crew, the party knows that the dwarves in Killnerd are there to discover what riches lay within the Sea Hill Tomb (again, Sea Hill Tomb is a placeholder name, but I can’t seem to come up with anything better for now). Currently, a six-dwarf dungeoneering squad is MIA within the dungeon.

What the players don’t know is that Ardmoc fully knows there are emeralds within the dungeon. Emeralds hold a particular significance to the hobbits of Killnerd, being considered symbols of luck, prosperity and fortune. They are prized above all other gemstones by the hobbits. Emeralds just so happen to be the driving wealth of House Drippindahl to the southern mountains. Ardmoc and his company are in truth not brokers but agents sent to destabilize Killnerd and assume control by whatever tenebrous means necessary. With the meatheads as an asset, it should be a cinch!

Being the social butterflies they were and finding retainers, I was eager to roll some loyalty scores. George Puller did quite well with 16 points, while Spynt started with 12. At one point, the players threatened to withhold any gold earned from Spynt, and making it very clear by his glowering silence that he did not like that, I was ready to lower his loyalty a smidge. Querma softened up though, assuring him he would be given a fair cut, to which he turned chipper again.

The loyalty of retainers is an interesting aspect to play with, along with reaction rolls I am finding they are all I need for when uncertainty arises in NPC interactions. I am intrigued to see how the two hungover teenage hobbit hirelings will fare in the dungeon. Speaking of them, they were actually the first instance where I got to try the OD&D method of grappling. In my opinion, it works as fine as it should. I may add the caveat that exceptionally strong characters may add a bonus to their roll if it needs a little juice.

I rolled to determine how many of the hobbit teens would actually show up (2) and decided to leave out Keitho Carabine. The Carabine family is a whole nother can of worms to open. Davo Carabine, brother of Keitho and son of Johno, is going to have a spitfire exchange of insults if the players ever come to his smithy.

Likewise, seeing Spynt had gone into the dungeon against his father’s word, and missing his morning chores, his scolding from Dundalk Higgins will be severe. Spynt truly doesn’t want to make his father angry,  but doesn't want to be a farmer either. So I plan that he will propose that he only join the party in the dungeon at night, when he can sneak away yet still do chores in the daytime. This proposition is obviously unmanageable, traveling anywhere outside of night has a strong chance of encountering some kind of boogen or beasty. Killnerd itself is safeguarded by the hounds of families to which goblins loathe with disgust and fear.

So! This session went well. The village of Killnerd is as dynamic and shifting as the dungeon, players actions affecting both simultaneously. Blah blah blah that much is obvious. Frankly, I am interested to see whether the party will turn Spynt against his father and align further with the dwarf agents. It being Session 2, I feel like good progress has been made in establishing the setting, picking up in the dungeon next session will have us returning to the joy of crawling. 

A quick note on the end trap. It could have easily killed the party if it were a poison gas or powder, but in the spirit of Hobbits I wanted to craft some traps that caused nuisances and misfortunes. The itching powder itself lasts 24 hours unless washed off with alcohol, then it subsides in 3 hours. Those affected suffer -2 to hit and add 1d6 when attempting Strength tests. So you can see, it could very well still lead to a nasty death 🙂.

A Tip in Making Art Objects

Today I’m sharing a little method I use for coming up with interesting treasure items. 

First, a bit about Art Objects, as I see them. Falling somewhere between gems and magic items, a category between the two that presents interesting treasure in material detail, Art Objects are uniquely made, have a history and are significant to a people. They should be valuable enough that it’s always worth selling while being peculiar enough to tempt player characters into wanting to keep for themselves. 

Like so.

The most effective way I've found with creating Art Objects is to directly search out archaeological objects from history. This can be as simple as following museum and archaeology accounts on social media or by browsing catalogues on museum websites. Photographs along with clerical details are much more spirited than previously generating treasure objects from various random-tabled books and websites.

This object above, for example, is one I saved this morning. It could fit into several of my games where snakes and würms are motifs. I could switch out snakes for centipedes, the silver for brass, etc etc.

As a rule of thumb whenever an Art Object is found I give it a 1in6 chance of being a magic item. This is not apparent at first, but clues on the object should hint at its purpose. For example, the Spouted Silver Serpent Bowl from above might transmute the blood of serpents into liquid silver when the proper ritual is performed under moonlight, or what have you.

A direct conduit to speaking with a defunct godling.

Placing an egg into the cup will hatch a pseudodragon in 4d6 days.

As for assigning a worth to these objects, I usually just make up a value in gold as it fits in the context of that individual game, whether or not XP advancement is determined by treasure acquisition. For DCC or Meatheads, an Art Object could be worth d66 to d6666 gold pieces. For the level 14 pathfinder/spelljammer game I've been running for the past six years I usually roll d8888 gp, anything less is not worth their time as small business tyrants.

Cheeky fella.

For assigning attributes to Art Objects that could be worn as armor or used as weapons, you can never go wrong with a 1:1 as simple as "Armor as Chain" or "Damage as Axe" with appropriate modifiers and abilities if the object is magical.

Finding the missing toe cap bestows the wearer the ability to walk on water or fire unharmed.

As +1 Axe, all vulpini critters within 5 miles act erratic from the blade's scent, cautious of its wielder.

This has helped me in offering more dynamic treasures to my players as well as to probe deeper into their significance within the game's contextual fiction. Hopefully this tip is fruitful to those who operate in a similar creation process.