Meatheads Pre-Pump Play Report

MEATHEADS PRE-PUMP PLAY REPORT

by blark

12/31/23

Our three characters for this short adventure are:
Kinkaid “The Cobbler” Thomas - Human, STR 12, Maul, Shirtless.

Chug Budapest - Orc, STR 14,Two Handaxes, Shirtless.

The Bulkamaniac - Elf, STR 12, Club & Crossbow, Shirtless.

Trekking along the rugged, rain-soaked coast, a trio of Meatheads stood at the sea’s edge, before a set of stone pillars jutting from the turquoise waters. An ugly chateau carved from the bedrock, rising several stories high, its front courtyard obscured by leafy brush and a canopy of rubber trees singing with rainbow parrots. A rickety bridge, the only connection between the coastline and the standing sea pillar, was not up to snuff with the Meatheads, and so made their own bridge by toppling a nearby stone pillar across the gap.

As they passed they could spy that below them waited a dining club of sharks, intent on shredding anything that might fall below. Once safely across, the Meatheads together lifted the stone pillar to drop into the ocean, causing enough force to launch several sharks into the air. With careful precision, Chug grabbed a hold of a flying shark and together the trio pummeled into a protein puree that they ate as a Meager Meal.

Invigorated by success and food, they explored the courtyard under the rubber tree canopy, its mosaic tiles overgrown by moss and weed, a dried fountain depicting morbid cherubs aiming arrows at each other’s buttocks. Polished stone steps led toward the carved stoop of the manor, which was entirely populated by sleeping seals around a massive beachmaster who honked peacefully in slumber before the massive set of double doors leading into the chateau. 

With surprise on their side, the Meatheads assembled their plan. With Kinkaid and Bulkamaniac pulling back two rubber trees as Feats of Strength, Chug secured himself in between the two with rope like a bullet nestled in a slings pouch. Releasing the two trees, Chug was flung forward at the beachmaster, both axes forward, hitting the sleeping giant with enough force to bash it through the doors and into the foyer. There the meatheads did battle with the beachmaster, ducking and weaving its hammering tail and rolling mass. A mighty blow from Kinkaid turned the beachmaster into a puree, from which they slurped for more protein. The remaining seals then pledged loyalty to Kinkaid after he dedicated a Language Point to call upon them once for a favor.

Now within the Ogre’s chateau, they first set to looting every massive gold framed painting on the wall, portraits of hard on the eyes ogre nobility dressed in colorful regalia. Bashing into a locked room down the hall they discover the severed head of the troll Stronk, who pleaded that they help find him a new body, promising to teach them the technique of tearing foes apart if they did. Apart from Stronk, in the derelict side chamber they found a crow cape, a beer helmet, and a glyphed hurdy gurdy. They considered Stronk’s predicament, but ultimately left him covered in sheets.

The next room had its door ripped from its hinges in a Feat of Strength, behind which contained a tall ladder ascending upwards two stories to the ceiling. Naturally the Meatheads began to climb, finding their sleeves on a turret atop the roof of the chateau, a locked, gated belfry jabbing violently in the air. Besides the trapdoor, a cannon is pointed at a higher tower, cannon balls stacked at the ready but no black powder to fire the shot. The meatheads made short work getting the locked gate to the belfry open, but were surprised by three massive bats fluttering out pissed as all heck! 

During the skirmish one giant bat was slain by Kinkaid and two were grappled by chug and the Bulkamaniac. Once in control of the grapple, they used Feat of Strength to flapping the bat’s wings for them and redirect their flight, scooping up Kinkaid together and flying directly to the chateau’s highest tower. Through the sea mist they heard the shouts of helpless pirate penguin-men, suspended from a bridge by rope over a chasm of seafoam and spikes. Second they heard the cracking of gunfire, as they spotted atop the bridge two high decorated centaur sentries firing at them with hackbut rifles. 

Under the threat of gunfire, the meatheads had one crazy plan. Controlling the two giant bats who still held Kinkaid between their claws, the trio nose dived towards the bridge. In a split second when parallel to the ropes dangling the prisoners, when all strands aligned like the planets in the rituals of druids, the Bulkamaniac fired his crossbow to pierce all ropes. All the pirate prisoners began to fall, but with quick maneuvering of the bats, the trio looped under the bridge, with Kinkaid grabbing every rope of the prisoners with one mighty grip. Chug and Bulkamaniac then upturned the bats, rising once more above the bridge where the centaurs fired rifles. Their bullets found home in the flesh of Chug and Bulk, stripping away 1 HD from both.

Not wasting their momentum, the trio swung Kinkaid and the clutch of pirate prisoners down onto the centaur officers, who switched to fighting with sabers. The battle atop the bridge was brutal, axes clung against sabers, hooves stomped against bones, but the Meatheads proved victorious! With new sabers, long rifles and toadies to boot, the Meatheads tossed the centaur’s bodies from the bridge. Alas, the life of Bulkamaniac was almost lost by a saber wound if not for Chug feeding a vial of Meat Honey from his beer helmet.

The pirates expressed their gratuity and offered to toadie for the Meatheads. They pointed high above, obscured by sea mist, a ship lay teetering atop the tallest tower of the chateau. They were all that remained of the crew of that storm swept ship, now claimed by the ogre…

Post Play Referee Notes

Went as well as I coulda hoped! The players "got" the game almost immediately and where out of the gate trying things out of curiosity. It became quickly apparent that HD was quickly gained by doing Feats of Strength whenever you can, even during combat. This could scale out of hand quickly, but with having weapons or traps that directly target HD there is always the chance of being knocked down a peg really quickly. I was more so surprised at how hardy the players were despite all of them wearing no armor, they were still rather hard to hit, or smartly used their helmets to avoid hits.

I was worried players would be miffed by having no Dexterity/Agility stat but they seemed to get it pretty quickly that the Saving Throw as a catch all alternative. Such as when they needed to catch the shark as it flew in the air, I asked for a Saving Throw and they happened to get it.

Players were into the portraits to draw their characters. These players were my friends and brother, so it was easy to play with them and we workshopped a lot of fun ideas. Two big glaring things regarding the character sheet: no box to record Saving Throws or Injuries! A quick fix, otherwise, players were able to start making a character using the bottom left box before I even got to them. In all we probably spent 10 minutes making characters, and then 2-3 hours playing. Good times had all around!